


Not This Stupid

by Prim_the_Amazing



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Kissing, M/M, Meteorstuck, POV Alternating, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 01:50:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5356418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/pseuds/Prim_the_Amazing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Karkat have both, independently, figured out that kissing the other is a good way to shut them up. They may abuse this power just a bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not This Stupid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bench](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bench/gifts).



> EDIT: Smutted up the sex scene a bit retroactively considering that I didn't actually meet the sexy requirements! Sorry bench. I may have focused on the kissing theme a bit too much, which can be a bit innocent at times.

Dave has lost control of his mouth once again, to absolutely no one’s surprise. Luckily for other people, you are currently the only other person close enough to be a victim. This is unlucky for you. 

You’re sitting at the couch that the two of you have claimed as your own. You were supposed to be reading a romantic paperback, yet again. You had just recently tried mixing two different books together to see if you could a different plot for once. It’s a bit fucking weird and doesn’t really make any sense, but it’s sort of new and is actually kind of interesting. 

Dave was supposed to be mixing music, yet again. He was trying to see what he could do about mash ups and remixes, considering that at a certain point coming up with new shit would be harder than gouging your own eyes out. He looked like he’d been enjoying himself, his head moving with the beat just a bit. 

The two of you had been fine in this companionable silence. But then while shifting your position you had nudged him just a bit with your foot and everything had gone to SHIT. He’d been reminded of your presence, took of his headphones, and decided to take a break, gracing you with a few moments of his time. 

Except this isn’t a conversation, this is one-sided babbling. He’d unfortunately tried to start of the ‘conversation’ with a metaphor, which is always a bad idea where he is concerned. And then he made a human Freudian slip that you didn’t catch the context for, and now he is red and is caught in a downward spiral of more and more unintentional innuendoes and stuttering. This is painful to watch. And hear. 

You discard the confusing adventures of the hybrid paperback heroine and crawl towards Dave’s end of the couch. You’re practically in his face before he notices you, he’s so flustered. 

“Shut up,” you tell him, and kiss him on his mouth, hopefully silencing him forever. 

For a moment he actually tries to continue talking while you’re kissing him, but he soon catches on and sinks into you, red faced and relieved that you took him out of his misery. 

Thank god you’re not this stupid. 

 

Karkat’s angry rants can be really fucking hilarious, okay, but it’s kind of the last thing you want to hear when you’re both finally naked on your bed. Something he thinks he must have done wrong must have set off his self-loathing or something. 

“Nooo, shut up. You’re hot shit, Karkat. The hottest shit. Take me now.” And then you kind of slam your mouth against his, which is actually kind of dangerous considering his teeth. But, ah, he’s so careful, instantly mindful of you, and you sink into it, closing your eyes. You then go and try out your tried and true 'kiss and distract' method out on his frankly fucking fascinating crotch area. He REALLY likes that, and so does both of the junior Karkats, it seems, from how wet number one gets, and how number two tries to slip into your mouth to burrow and live there forever. Hey, you're into lots of tongue, this is hardly different, except hotter.

He is predictably distracted by your manful wiles. That is you, Dave Strider, seducer extraordinary, irresistible. Heh. 

Thank god you’re not this stupid. 

 

Shit god damn it, Dave is actually winning the argument. If you don’t find a way to stop him soon Dane Cook will be officially labeled a talentless hack. You watch his ignorant mouth casually spew hate as you think, before you get a brilliant idea. Good job, leader! 

You smirk and close the distance between you, and Dane Cook is thankfully forgotten. 

 

Sure, sure, Karkat knows his shit when it comes to the quadrants, but you’re pretty sure you’ve heard this exact lecture ten times before. You have to do something, fast, if you want to preserve your sanity. 

He says something about matesprits, which you think segues rather nicely into you grabbing him, and then dramatically throwing him into a dip in which he is smooched the shit out of. He has quite a lot to say about that, but at least its new stuff. 

 

If you have to listen to one more rap you are going to claw your fucking “””ears””” off you swear to god. 

You end up clawing up his back later instead. 

 

If you have to listen to one more rant about how awful Vriska like you haven’t even met her, it’s pretty obvious okay, you don’t need to hear a vocal ten page essay on something you don’t even want to think about, you’ll, you will—! 

Kiss him, apparently. 

 

“Your and Dave’s relationship seems remarkably healthy,” Kanaya notes one evening as she’s washing dishes, you drying them. 

“What?” you ask. “Where did that come from?”

“I was just thinking that I’ve never seen the two of you argue since you got together. I must admit, even though Rose and I are quite flushed for each other, we do tend to spiral into an unpleasant argument every now and then. It’s not a problem, I was just thinking how incredible it was that you and Dave never seem to be at odds. Are you perhaps using dark magic?” she says the last part playfully, but the whole thing is phrased in such a way that it is very clear that she’ asking for advice from someone who is in what looks like a flawless relationship. 

“Uh,” you elegantly say. You realize what it is you do every time Dave starts getting on your nerves. You start to feel a blush rising and hurriedly try to come up with some sort of excuse. “Well! I guess it’s because…” we love each other so much wait shit that makes Kanaya’s relationship with Rose seem horrible what an awful thing to say, “because… we keep our distance! Yes.” Wow. 

“You seem to with each other near constantly,” she remarks. 

“Yeah, um, I gotta’ go, bye.” You are just flat out noping right the fuck out of this social situation. 

You approach Dave later and tell him that Kanaya asked you for relationship advice, and you couldn’t even come up with anything. Because you are an idiot who can’t word for shit and you’re basically the most terrible—

But then he’s kissing you and you forget all about it.


End file.
